Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
