Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
