I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
