what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
