I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
