mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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