Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
