i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
