My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
