Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
