Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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