Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
