so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
