Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
