Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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