Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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