Plan B is the new Plan A
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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