angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
