i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
