I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
