In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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