Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
