Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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