I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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