Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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