Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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