I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
