If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
