did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
