I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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