Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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