I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
