I saw his package. It spoke to me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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