Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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