Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
