at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
