I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
