Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
