And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
