: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
