my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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