I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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