Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
