I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
