I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
