If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
