Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
