I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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