My liver just broke up with me...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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