My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
